Recently, I went to NYC to take (yet another) public speaking training course! When the other training participants found out what I did for a living they asked me…”But why are you here? You could teach this course!”

Yes, I could have taught the course, however, as a participant I was dedicating two full days to improving my craft. I strongly believe that continued review and practice makes me an even stronger speaker. So I spent two full days developing new materials, delivering new stories, and critiquing myself via video review.

So, what did I learn?

First, that I am still not ready to share personal stories that include my late husband, John. I thought I was ready, especially since my late husband died more than 12 years ago! However, I found myself emotionally caught up in the stories, at times, having difficulty finding my voice. The training facilitator stated that he found the stories moving and appropriate–perhaps they were. However, I feel very strongly that a speaker should not only evoke emotion, but also maintains control. I’ll try again next year and in the meantime revise the stories!

What else did I learn? That I have developed a ‘bad’ habit over the past year. I didn’t realize I was doing it, but there is was, on the video, me resting my hand on my hip. When I was reviewing the video I knew I didn’t like that I was doing that, but wasn’t really sure why. I decided to research it and see what I could find. Unfortunately, I couldn’t really find much, but I did find this from Tom Holland, a 27 year veteran of car sales! He says in the non-verbal communication chapter of his book, “The Perfect Sale Every Time”, that hands on this hip has the following meaning.

Hands On Hips.

(A) When a person has their hands on their hips, with their fingers facing forward and the elbows directly out to either side, the person is telling you he/she is anti-social. One hand on a hip may be used when directed at a person who is an intended target of non-social acceptance.

(B) Again, hands on hips, but when the fingers are aimed toward the rear, and the elbows are cocked to the back, this signal may mean, “I’m listening, but I’m not sure I’m believing.”

I figure if he’s been selling cars for so many years, he probably does know a thing or two about people and non-verbal communication.

However, the academic in me would prefer to see something well, more academic! I am interested to find out why this stance is displeasing and distracting. It feels really comfortable for me, but clearly it is uncomfortable for the viewing audience. I will be working on remove this distracting habit.

Oh, and one last thing I learned. I need to lose some weight! (Well, I suppose I already knew that, this was just a vivid reminder!)

-Lisa

P.S. Use the comments to share with us what you learned at your last public speaking training session or perhaps consider coming to one of my public speaking workshops.